Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Time For Good Byes....
I’m having that same jittery feeling again and I can feel that another time for “good byes” is looming close.
Another step is taking place and I feel anxious about it, the same feeling I know something big is going to happen but I don’t know what –which is a bit annoying.
I’ve been dealing with this feeling of being alone lately and well, I should stop one way of doing it because my body is suffering because of it *laughs*
Just a few more months, I promise and I’ll take another leap and this time, follow through and not think about much on the details that involves my decision well at least, after that period of time.
In some weird twist, an exgf went online tonight and she gave me the news that she’s involved with a lady who looks and acts like a boy and well, I can’t really imagine her being involved with a girl not after we had those talks about her sis and her gf. It seems weird and people I guess change preferences even to that extreme...
I’m still tired of always giving in the effort, I want to be challenged –yes but that should also involve chemistry and the other party willing to communicate.
It’s rare for me to stay interested in a matter/aspect for too long and it’s sad that those facets I’m willing to stay and risk everything with don’t want me to be a part of it.
Labels: lonely, tired, understanding me
posted by vinz @ 11:23 PM
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Friday, January 09, 2009
A Super Tough Day but Thanks to Thera (hugs)....
Today was tough... I put a lot of effort not to lose my temper and I was able to calm irate, frustrated callers throughout the day however, on my last call and due to a lot of noise from the other account I lost the ball –so to speak, on my attempts to pacify the client.
I completely lost it.
Well... not really lost it –lost it but I couldn’t contain my frustration and how awful it felt not being to get the results that I wanted on that call. Sometimes, I wish and pray that when something like that happens, there’d be someone to be there and give me a pat or a bit of a massage on my back and say words to soothe me. It’s a stretch I know… hey, that’s how I feel and that’s how it is.
I got my incentives from my salary today. It’s huge... well not that huge compared to how much I used to earn but comparing it with my previous salary at the same job, it’s a lot however, it wasn’t enough to make me feel better.
I got home and the master bedroom was trashed –my brother currently stays at my parents’ bedroom where the dog -which he bought impulsively and without my consent or my parents if I may add, nuked it with debris from our bathroom’s bin and the bathroom... I don’t even want to write or think about what happened to the bathroom...
My day ended great though, I just received Thera’s card; she sent me a season’s greetings card by snail mail and I’m really touched... yes, I had a massive smile when I was reading your letter and no, I will not post a photo of myself with that massive smile (I don’t want to scare off what few readers that I have *hahaha*) but really, it’s a great feeling of being appreciated and making a difference in someone else’s life where they’d take the time to let you know that they’re there willing to listen to your woes and happy (especially *kilig*) moments of one’s life.
Thanks Thera... for being here *smiles*
Labels: happy, tired
posted by vinz @ 7:10 PM
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Saturday, December 13, 2008
I want an honest answer...
Why are we still communicating?
Is to be friends? Because I’ve said it before I don’t want to be just friends with you.
Or is it because of the possibility we can be more in the future?
I’m twisted inside because I allowed this to go on for a year now.
I need you, I want you, I love you but I’m not going to grow or get better if you leave these questions of mine unanswered.
Labels: love, sad, tired
posted by vinz @ 3:49 PM
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Monday, May 07, 2007
BURNT
The past few weeks have been tiring to say the least. I've been having problems forgetting work when I come home; the effect of the daily happenings is finally getting to me.
Tired, weary, I need to find an outlet before it consumes me.
Today I woke extra early, work is creeping in my dreams. Deadlines to meet, standard operating procedures that needs to be replaced, managers that don't even know the meaning, raising voices, nitwits, foul odors and supervisors bragging that English is his second name where I beg to differ on the punctuation, spelling and misuse of adjectives and transitive verbs, make me wonder what the company is doing sending him on training to other countries when he can’t even write a simple email? Pathetic, I know.
I have decided on resigning on no later than March 2008, I might not go back on vacation this July but I will take some time off from work. I need space; I need time for myself and do things I enjoy.
By March of 2008 I'll have a substantial amount saved up and by then, I'll be simply waiting for my papers to process and then move on to a different country, the next phase I've been waiting for ever since I've graduated.
I understand that I can't be involved with the plans I have set for myself. To be committed now will result my family's downfall of financial stability. It's up to me now and I need to remain healthy, I have to be strong.
Yes, the prospect of loving someone is there, someone to talk to, to share my inner most thoughts, to explore our worlds together, to raise a family. I still dream of those but at present, I can't afford it, too many risks and I guard my time zealously.
I admit that my heart is filled with a longing that I can't explain, it feels like there’s more waiting for me out there, more that I need to experience and savor.
Resting my mind at the end of the day, I shall give priority to that and to sweat; I need to sweat to let the toxins out of my body.
Decisions, decisions, I will make my own without my parents behests next year.
Labels: aussie, career, dreams, tired, work
posted by vinz @ 6:18 AM
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Sunday, January 28, 2007
THU-FRI WEEKEND
Another weekend has come and gone, I spent it taking my mind off work, off everything that's been happening in my life, I kept myself busy so my mind wouldn't wander, so I wouldn’t feel impatient of the things I want to happen.
Funny how I still feel stressed instead of relaxed after that weekend. I'll be going to class soon, and it'll feel like I'm working 7 days a week again. I'll be stacked with work in a while, and the never ending payment issues with my suppliers begin.
She's probably pissed at me right now; I haven't given her much time. I'm sure she's pressured as much as I am and yet, I'm failing to be there for her. My mind is too racked at the moment, I need silence and privacy.
I haven't had that in a while now.
I have to run when I get back home, I have to keep in shape; I still have a lot going for me. The family's future rests in my shoulders and I have to be strong, I have to be focused otherwise, dreams won't be realized.
Labels: dreams, she, study, tired, work
posted by vinz @ 12:58 AM
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