Friday, November 26, 2004
Mourning My Uncle's Loss
I suppose he’s the second father figure I’ve known. The first was my grandfather and the third my father. He’s not a blood relative nor is he an in-law. He was my auntie’s ex-boyfriend and yet, he’s the best and coolest Uncle I’ve ever had and known.
He used to arrange his schedule in De La Salle University so that he could spend time with my siblings and I at home. He used to bring us to Manuela and S.M. to have fun at the rides in the arcade or watch movies and afterwards, eat at Jollibee or Mc Donald’s. He was there when our dog Whitey bit my arm, although I didn’t receive any wounds but it did hurt, he rubbed alcohol and blew the magical blow as parents do to there children when hurt, as if the pain would miraculously go away, however, it did make me feel better. I’ve had more memories of him and my Grandpa than my own parents when we still haven’t migrated abroad.
He was for me, the epiphany of the cool uncle, that I plan to be to my future nieces and/or nephews of my siblings.
Everyone knew he will be a great father and he is. It pains me deeply that my dream of spending time with him, conversing and laughing the night and day away will never come to pass. I regret, not saying that I love him deeply as family even though, I knew in my heart he knows so.
I still have the letter he sent me all those years ago, he said he loves me and was proud of the man I’m becoming. He is one of my role models, a benchmark of being a man as well.
God has taken him abruptly from us and I can’t begin to imagine the density of the void of him being gone in our lives, especially to the family he left.
It’s hard to believe that merely 3 weeks have passed since I was rushed to the E.R. and I truly thought I would be a goner. Thank heavens I’m still here and from the experience I realize to appreciate more of life and the magnitude of keeping yourself and your diet healthy. The incident could have been avoided if I have been careful of my diet and ironically, the same thing happened to my uncle and it didn’t turn out fine.
My beloved uncle has passed away but the memory of him lives on and I promise, if I’ll have a son, I’ll honor his memory by giving him his name. I love him and I miss him dearly…
posted by vinz @ 3:50 PM
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Pleasant Little Nothings
I’ve been in a slump lately; I can’t seem to find myself in the mood to writing. Perhaps, I haven’t spent time with her in a while? I’ve noticed that I get into the mood of writing after I’ve spent a leisurely amount of time with her. Words seem to flow effortlessly as I write the feelings invoked in me, contemplating of how I was captivated yet again, with her personality and her beauty.
Often, when we converse, I say a line in which I’d expect the most probable answer hence, a quick remark that would provide wit and appeal. However, when she replies, she never ceases to dazzle me and quite often, surprise me in a good way ergo, making me admire her even more than previously.
Butterflies in my stomach seem to manifest as we converse. Yes, even when we send messages via SMS, I do get them. Cliché as it may sound but I’ve never felt anything like this before.
My friends say I must do really like her, they’ve never seen me this attached to my feelings for someone in years.
I am a sentimental fool and I hope, in the future I might get to appreciate the memories we’ve made, together. I’m surprised I still can reinvent myself in presenting my affection towards someone I really care for (friends and family). Being a part of their lives is a boon in itself and I find meaning in my life to be a part of theirs and most especially with her. However, fate still has several things for me to achieve and after I’ve done so, I pray and hope that everything I’ve dreamt would all come to pass and work out and that is as well in the future, she having a role in my daily life.
posted by vinz @ 7:31 PM
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Tuesday, November 09, 2004
A Few Words That Need To Be Said
I’ve moved on. The days when we were together are long gone. It was your choice then, and right now, it’s mine.
I won’t deny that I care for you and probably, I’ll always will. You stirred a lot of wonderful emotions in me that I never had an inkling I could feel.
I remember the moment, when I realized that I’d fallen in love with you. It dawned on me, one night after conversing with you on the phone and being with you then, I felt a soothing in me and your voice made me feel at home, as is your company and all felt right and good.
Your compassion towards others made me fall deeper in love with you, as is your confidence, inner strength and independence. Sadly, I can’t see that in you any longer, the confidence, compassion, and strength… You’ve become a mere shell of someone that was once radiant and warm.
Why is it, I feel you recently cried? Is there not a week that has passed that you’ve not shed a tear? Why be dependent and obedient towards his will, when you’ve been raised otherwise? How is it you’ve let him take away all your friends from you and have them replaced with his? Why do you have to have his approval and have him dictate how you live your life? Your world is surrounded by you and him and I can’t erase the image of you having a leash held by him.
I hope you know in your heart that your friends are here waiting, anticipating for you to call, so that, they could be of assistance.
They won’t let you down no matter how many times you’ve disappointed them.
Come back to us soon.
posted by vinz @ 1:48 PM
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