Monday, May 07, 2007
BURNT
The past few weeks have been tiring to say the least. I've been having problems forgetting work when I come home; the effect of the daily happenings is finally getting to me.
Tired, weary, I need to find an outlet before it consumes me.
Today I woke extra early, work is creeping in my dreams. Deadlines to meet, standard operating procedures that needs to be replaced, managers that don't even know the meaning, raising voices, nitwits, foul odors and supervisors bragging that English is his second name where I beg to differ on the punctuation, spelling and misuse of adjectives and transitive verbs, make me wonder what the company is doing sending him on training to other countries when he can’t even write a simple email? Pathetic, I know.
I have decided on resigning on no later than March 2008, I might not go back on vacation this July but I will take some time off from work. I need space; I need time for myself and do things I enjoy.
By March of 2008 I'll have a substantial amount saved up and by then, I'll be simply waiting for my papers to process and then move on to a different country, the next phase I've been waiting for ever since I've graduated.
I understand that I can't be involved with the plans I have set for myself. To be committed now will result my family's downfall of financial stability. It's up to me now and I need to remain healthy, I have to be strong.
Yes, the prospect of loving someone is there, someone to talk to, to share my inner most thoughts, to explore our worlds together, to raise a family. I still dream of those but at present, I can't afford it, too many risks and I guard my time zealously.
I admit that my heart is filled with a longing that I can't explain, it feels like there’s more waiting for me out there, more that I need to experience and savor.
Resting my mind at the end of the day, I shall give priority to that and to sweat; I need to sweat to let the toxins out of my body.
Decisions, decisions, I will make my own without my parents behests next year.
Labels: aussie, career, dreams, tired, work
posted by vinz @ 6:18 AM
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
COLD, BRRRRR
Ah yes, I'm still in that horrible phase at this time of the year where in I just do not care. I feel like I'm on auto-pilot, everyone keeps on blabbing and I just nod my head as though I'm listening wherein all I'm thinking about is what the fuck is he talking to me for?
I mean, really. Let's take in for example the driver in our company he's complaining to me about a mistake the other driver did, that it isn't an excuse for him not to work because the car he was using met with an accident yesterday. So, what car is he going to use then? Well, there happens to be an extra one that he can use. Anyhow, I really don't give a damn, I just want this day to end, go to my doctor's appointment tonight, and come home with several more band-aids on my face and sleep.
Tonight I will feel pain, sort of like being sprayed with acid on my friggin' face. And I'm really not looking forward to it.
I wonder how this foul mood of mine came about. Maybe it's the cold, it's too damn cold and I can't imagine how I would be if I lived in Canada. Gawd, I really hate cold weather, I get lazy, too lazy for my own good and I fear I'm racking up a few more pounds.
Well, luckily my sibling and I will be buying a treadmill later tonight. I refuse to have a belly and the inside of my thighs hitting one another any longer *euw*. After I have that, all that is left is to have the discipline to use it everyday -well, at least 20 minutes a day.
Am I really going to live here up to 2009? I mean, the money is good, heck, the money is great and I can slack off when I want to however, is it worth it? If I go back to the motherland at least I can learn more and rack up a few steps of the corporate ladder, then again, I may be wrong.
Regardless, I'm passing my papers/documents for my migration to Aussie on January. I pray that by mid 2008 I can migrate, I'll be married by then by the way *winks*.
Oh yeah, preparing for the wedding and the costs is a bloody headache. I don't want to think about it now, I'll think about it next year, after the cold damn weather.
Labels: aussie, cold, lazy
posted by vinz @ 4:35 AM
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