Wednesday, March 18, 2009
And The Blog Hiatus Ends...
A lot has happened over the past three months and it’s been interesting, I’m happy and looking forward to taking the next step or the decisions I am to take for what lies ahead.
Gave flowers to my girlfriend on Valentine’s day, prepared dinners with candlelight and wine with her, share daily conversations about anything and everything. I’ve longed for that, wished for it even and it has finally come, without any baggage from the past.
Today was the last day of my therapy for the problems with my lower back, upper right back and neck area and did I also mention my right heel? I didn’t realize I had so many parts of my body that needed straightening out and they are caused / results of working out, without doing warm up before and after.
The Friday dinners continue, I celebrated my birthday after almost a decade with friends, not much people came, none of the college friends I invited dropped by and at least a dear friend from high school was there not to mention my lovely girlfriend *naks* I was happy that friends did come who promised they would, I feel blessed being with them celebrating that evening.
Today I also had a haircut, a short, clean cut. It feels awkward, I’m trying to get used to it. I feel older and fatter seeing my face with short hair and did I mention I feel F.A.T.? I miss sweating and running and losing weight! One more month, I need to maintain the exercises and the warm compresses and at least my back is better compared to as it was then several months ago.
The need to move on is there, I hate it that my parents still think that I’m a boy and comparing me with my older brother annoys me. I don’t take unnecessary risks but I’m their only hope now and I never signed up for this, never wanted this. I still think it isn't my responsibility but I need to step up for my two other siblings yet again.
My instincts tell me I should go ahead with my decision and pray that everything works out.
Tomorrow is Thursday, I’ll be meeting with the girlfriend; we’ve been consistent on seeing each other on Thursdays, attending church and doing the Novena at St. Jude, a routine of hers that’s become mine as well.
Can’t wait for the week to end... Can’t wait to spend more time with her.
Labels: career, friends, future, love, relationship, resolve, understanding me, update, work
posted by vinz @ 6:44 PM
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
moving
Back in 2004 I’ve been saying to friends that I’ll be going to Saudi to work however, what they didn’t know was that I didn’t have a work visa nor was there an employer there that will offer me a job. Funny how the Universe conspires on something you believe in and dream of. I was actually hesitating in getting a job there... sort of like what I’m feeling at the moment. The first week I looked for a job I got hired and the work was something I wished I’d be in the line of work in college.
Fast forward to 3 years later; I’ve been saying that I’ll be moving to another country this year. The details as to how to get there are a bit vague however with the recent events that transpired over the course of these recent two weeks. The details as to how have become clear, I might be flying away before the year ends.
I’ll be leaving behind my heart here... for I as I knew from a year ago, I’ll be falling in love –I just didn’t know who or how at the time.
This year a voice in me says that I should have faith regardless of what slaps in the face that I see or have experienced. I need to keep my faith and March blindly to the truth of what I feel and what is expected of me. I am currently the eldest, hope resides in me and my Will to achieve grows even more.
Life has taught to believe and keep my faith and to avoid all the bad feelings; the negative vibes, I need to ignore all of it otherwise, the universe won’t conspire to all of the good things that I dream about.
I know I’ll be leaving soon and everything is beyond my hands now in regards to my feelings for her. Despite everything, my feelings remain true, I have not wavered and maybe the absence of her will help me –in one way or the other.
Yes, I will be moving soon so that, I can fulfill my parents’ dreams –my family’s dreams and I shall attain the greatness that I seek and yet, somehow, I know it will never be enough... not until we’re together again.
But, who knows? Maybe I’ll be writing something totally different by next year.
Labels: abroad, future, she
posted by vinz @ 6:18 PM
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foresight
4 swigs of tequila to help me sleep as I write this entry.
I need to write everything down before I lose consciousness and surrender to sleep.
2003 was about entering a relationship again and coming into terms that education comes first and that this is my last chance to graduate; that I need to face the real world.
2004 was about taking a break and understanding myself and that I do have standards regardless of what beauty lies before me.
2005 was about being the son my mom wanted me to be. It was about if I believe enough on something, I can truly attain it. Getting a job, being the youngest hired, the job was related to a field I wanted to be in when I was studying in college because it was my forte.
2006 was about regardless of trying to make it work, if I don’t feel anything. It will never work.
2007 was about coming back home and knowing I’d be falling in love. And I have.
2008 is about believing and having faith and taking the next step.
2009 is about attaining financial security, that I will surpass all expectations my family ever dreamed off.
Labels: believe, future
posted by vinz @ 6:05 PM
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A Reflection
Men can be such jerks.
It's no wonder that I’m friends with so few.
Great men are hard to find nowadays, I don't prefer men as partners however; it's still difficult to find them as friends. I can only imagine how difficult it would be for women to hook up with these rare find.
I met a few people for drinks the other night and it's been years since I had a conversation with men who talked about pseudo-intellectual trivial things. I don't know if it was just me or that I've been a Discovery-Channel-geek or that I made tons of research or experience with the different topics discussed (not going to mention specific topics since I don’t want to cause a flame thread or what have you –I just want to lash out my feelings in the web,
capiche?).
I was revolted on how they perceived things and when I was younger I couldn't help myself correcting people however, this time, I kept my mouth closed. I listened and gave little about my views of their ideas or perceptions. I was disgusted on the humor they used and the tone they uttered.
The lack of sensitivity that most of my genders have dismays me. I wish that they put themselves in other people's shoes before retorting and it's embarrassing if not, irritating if not, annoying if not, insulting witnessing all these, knowing how ignorant their views are.
I try not to associate myself with these kinds of men. Being civil is fine but it requires tons of amounts of patience from me. Living abroad taught me a lot of tolerance but then again, I meet men because of work and not for socials so I suppose, my tolerance for it differs. I guess this is where paradigm shifting comes into play.
I keep hearing stories about relationships ending because men tend to want variety. I know what comes through their minds however; it’s still not an excuse to act on these impulses and well, responsibilities from their actions play its role here.
A few years ago, I had doubts entering in a relationship. I had for the most part of my late teens and early twenties explored and experience as much as I can and it wasn't because of my pursuit of conquering and right to brag about conquests rather, it was about discovering, and understanding who I was and from it came about the principles I foster and take high regard in.
I have never cheated when I was committed and on the few times that I became committed into a relationship I thought about growth, passion, companionship and communication. And the lack of these resulted to epiphanies of what I was looking for which, resulted to ending them and hence, the search continued until a few months ago.
I am finally committed into a relationship that I know entails an ever after. Experience has taught me to identify what lacked. She is everything I have ever dreamed of and more.
The search is finally over; all I need to do now is enjoy the ride until time ripens this relationship for the next level.
Labels: future, love, men, relationship
posted by vinz @ 8:00 AM
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Thursday, March 29, 2007
SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've been avoiding it for the past few weeks because I do not want to deal with the issue. I'm sick of it to be honest and in a previous entry I related that something already snapped inside of me and it can't be mended, I'm tired of it all and now at this crucial time of my life, I can't be involved nor be committed.
Everything is starting to fall into place and I am living my time here day by day and in the next moment I notice is that I’ve been living it a month at a time.
The moment I've been waiting for the past two years is finally coming. Time will speed up during this time; six months would have passed and I will take my annual leave for vacation; 48 days of rest and relaxation.
Who knows? Maybe another door that will prelude to my step next year will come during this time? Everything is falling into place and I have prayed, worked so hard to get here.
This weekend I'll start finalizing a concept and hopefully come the start of the week, I'll have something to be proud of.
Its funny when this friend of mine that I know keeps telling/bragging about this item he got from a game and I get angry at myself. A voice in me keeps saying "so, you want to be like him then?"
I shan't be stuck here for the rest of my life, I still have ambition, I do want financial freedom and as soon as have that "item" in my hands in a few weeks or maybe days to come, the real race begins.
Labels: career, dreams, future
posted by vinz @ 6:22 AM
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Sunday, January 21, 2007
MUSINGS
Its funny how some people that made an impression of you tend to recall conversations you have long forgotten and then one day, they remind of you that instance, that memory where in you made a slight difference in her life.
It was December then, when she and I first talked and two years later she brought up that first conversation we had, that first Discovery Channel trivia I told her about.
Here I am lying in bed sneezing and I here her voice once again. "The heart stops beating when you sneeze, you told me that," and I find myself smiling thinking about how beautiful she looked on that evening, how much I wanted more of her in my life.
She's lying next to me, sleeping soundlessly as I stare at her thinking how beautiful she looks, how in love I am with her. Gently I touch her face; I kiss her and whisper words of endearment in hopes that my thoughts will fill her dreams.
I knew it will be hard for the both of us in the coming months to come, I will be leaving soon and what trials life will bring us, we'll tackle it so as long as our love for one another is there and that, we both grow pursuing our passion.
I am an idealist, I've always thought I can handle whatever will come to me given that; I have a plan ready and made. Plans change; I have to be competitive in order to be successful, no one stops learning, it’s just set in a different stage, a different environment.
Life provides us with limited choices and no matter how difficult and how trapped one feels, we have to keep our head held up high and take it on, life moves on whether you go with it or not.
My thoughts are filled with her, the moments we've shared that have long passed and the thought of being with her soon makes my heart seer. We've come a long way from our relationship and we've had our share of fights, none of us imagined how difficult it could be being so far apart.
Still, I'll make it happen, we'll be together soon enough and I pray that she becomes stronger, be more confident in herself and the love we have for each other. I don't believe she has a weak memory like what she says; I've been surprised more than enough of how she can recall a conversation we've had when I have forgotten about it.
Labels: dreams, future, love
posted by vinz @ 1:24 AM
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006
TICK, TOCK, TICK, TOCK
The past week I've done nothing much but work, eat, and sleep. Even when I arrive home I finish my evening rituals and sleep. Lately, it's been hard waking up in the mornings since of the cold weather. I mean really cold weather.
Just six more weeks to go and I'll have that two years work experience on my resume.
Everything is running smoothly as far as work is concerned; meeting deadlines, negotiating deals (it's a bit easy here because of the company's reputation), relations with the suppliers, with the new finance department, corporate sales, etc.
I must say that I have done my work here with celerity and competency since I've been back. My vacation has done wonders for me, it gave me time to catch and refine what I've been lacking, in short I've had ample time to reassess myself.
In six weeks, the next step I've been planning will take into phase and hopefully everything will pan out for the best. There's more at stake now, more lives involved with my decisions in life.
Labels: future, work
posted by vinz @ 5:15 AM
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