Vinzi's Life: making it happen.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I am tormented with the notion of relying something for myself to another person. I do not trust easily, I cannot trust easily since I've always been disappointed in the past though, I must say there are exemptions and regardless, it took years for those people to earn an inkling of my trust.

I hate it that I didn't have a choice in that manner more than a year ago. My head is riveting with pain and I feel hopeless, frustrated that I can't do anything about what I want to happen. I want to scream and lash out however; it would it be unwise, I would be a fool if I did that.

I won't enter that state again; entering a blind rage and not thinking about the consequences, I'm not a boy anymore, I have too much at stake, too many people in my life relying on me to succeed. And I just hate it that I can't move forward because I need to wait and trust someone to accomplish my next step. I feel weak and vulnerable because of that, I feel powerless and yet, I know it is beyond me, I have to wait it out, I've done what I can, I need a bit more patience and probably more prayers.

I seem to be emitting a pulse of disappointment, anger and frustration. I want to leave but I can't. I feel deprived and robbed, this shouldn't be happening, if only the choices they made were different, none of this would have happened. However, to blame it all with past mistakes will lead to nothing. I have to make do with what I have at hand although, you can't blame me for being sick of this sh*t.

I've just about had it living here. I have to endure a voice in me utters. I'm in the brink of losing my patience, my morale has already been shattered and my health lies in the brink of insanity.

Get me the F*ck Out.

Let Me Out.

I want to come back.

Let me take my break.

I've been past due for six months already.

I am so sick of all this crap.

The riveting pain in my head has caused my neck and shoulders to become stiff, my eyes are hurting and my vision blurs. God, I've been through a lot already, don't you think it's time to let me rest, to let me stoke my flames?

posted by vinz @ 8:12 AM
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