Sunday, June 04, 2006
QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED
I've done it again; everything that comes from my lips caters to your feelings, to your senses. Past experiences taught me how I suppose, paying compliments, looking at the best possible perspective in which it will entail that I am on your side, planting seeds that shall bloom to something that describes wonder and fervor. Then again, there's always a factor to consider and that is attraction, chemistry and an understanding of one's personality.
I've given you glimpses of how it could be, of how I could be and yet, in the end there's always something holding me back, am I too afraid to take the next step? Am I scared of what lies in uncharted territory? Or is it my expectations, my desire for more that holds me back? I honestly don't know for when I ask these questions to myself all I see is darkness, I am left without an answer.
Do I need closure of something that never happened? Regret comes; embarrassment follows for what I've done, of what sins I've committed. And yet, all of them were needed, a prerequisite in order for me to be my present.
I stand among forked roads; zephyr whispering in my ears, the leaves from a nearby tree tempts me with soothing words, the clouds above speak with omens and yet the voices within me clearly states the principles I've adopted, values I keep and take high regard in; let these weigh and sway towards the road I will take however; maybe I can make an exemption this time?
Their faces flashes in my mind, memories spent with them uttering and encouraging me to stay if not become greater. I am different from the rest they say and they pray and wish I meet my match. Is it needed, for me to meet my match? Could I simply just be with that person who I keep falling for over and over again? Then that answer is unwarranted, how can I know if I haven't experienced being with my match?
There is no white and black, everything is in different shades of gray. Decisions are made due to the values and principles we use. Decisions are made due to experience and knowledge garnered. Then, what have I learned all these years? Why am I still here doing it all over again? Why do I keep thinking about you? Why do I keep thinking about the past more than ever, why am I still in love with you?
posted by vinz @ 9:26 AM
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