Sunday, June 04, 2006
BURNT
I was in one of my phases or rather cycles in which I just wanted to be left alone and yesterday was my day off. I spent the whole day reading and thinking. I finished reading one of the books I bought last month and I've already started reading the second.
I've been thinking too much lately; about what I want, where I am, where I'm heading. I'm tired; tired of the monotony I've been living in for more than a year. I've even broken chains of friendship this past year, intentionally and unintentionally. I've swallowed my pride, I've burst into fury and have acted accordingly to the best of my temper however; one can only do so much.
I feel like I'm stagnating here, and all the things I can speak about are the same things over and over again. I am getting bored with myself, I need a change, I need something new and I fear this change is all but a cycle of being who I am.
I can never stay put in one place for long, there will always be a time in which I shut everything around me, when I seek to be in solitude. There will always be a time in which I won't have anything left to say and maybe, the person I'm meant to be with can contend with that, can change that part in me and if that happens, it will complete me (as cheesy as it sounds, but yes; it will fill the void that I have in me).
Alone, I feel so alone and stuck yet, I am pushing forward, I am moving on in a different aspect of my life.
I'm fed up with everything here. I need some time off, I'm so sick of this sh*t. I feel like every part of me is vomiting, my essence rebelling with my stay. As soon as I get what I need in two days time I'm off. I will immerse myself with my own culture, I will seek affection among friends and I will relish each passing day and believe that being there is my reality and everything that I've done here will be a distant memory, a dream in which I will return to in a month or so.
For now, I seek to be lost, I seek to drift in the wind, and let time pass. In time I will have what is due, in time I will be among friends sooner than you might think.
posted by vinz @ 2:05 AM
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