Monday, April 17, 2006
TRY?
“Let’s give it a try vinz, let’s make it work this time.” she said.
For a minute I couldn’t reply with what she stated, I couldn’t find the words to say to her. We’ve been over for years however; we still kept under each other’s radars and it isn’t like we occasionally sleep over in fact, we never did it again after we broke up and she knows my reputation, she knows who I’ve become since we split up.
What made her ask this question all of a sudden? She’s been single for more than 6 months so I doubt I’m the rebound guy.
How did we become a couple? We met through mutual friends, attraction was there followed by chemistry and in less than two weeks of constant communication with each other we became a couple. The relationship lasted for more than three months, I couldn’t handle her jealousy, and I couldn’t handle informing her where I was every time. The irony of all this is, she broke up with me, after falling for someone she just met.
I wasn’t that devastated since I’ve already had a similar experience. I guess, with that I realized I wasn’t ready to commit into a serious relationship, I was too unwilling to give in to anyone my full time effort and because of that, the person I thought I was in love with left me.
I value my time alone and the mingling with different circles of friends. I often drift and occasionally prefer being by my lonesome. No one really knows my history in detail except me, I say a lot of things and yet I leave out crucial information.
I am a mystery even to my closest friends.
She’s been staring at me all the while, I don’t know what to make of her eyes; is it hope? Or is it pleading that I see? Or maybe I’ve misread her, it could be that there is conviction, passion and a determination that she’ll understand my needs and I, be willing to reciprocate.
To be honest, I’m not open to make it work this time. I don’t see her the way I used to; I don’t want to deal with her usual habits of wanting to be notified where I am all the time. I don’t believe in asking permission if I can go out or not.
“You’ll find the right man for you dear. I’m not the one for you.” I answered her as I held her hand and gave her an embrace. A part of me wanted to say I cannot love you because you cheated on me once but that part of me is a distant echo of who I was years ago.
It dawned on me that I’ve said those lines (not being the right man for you…) more than twice already. I’ve been burned and scarred for quite a number of times and still I hold that notion of optimism regarding an affectionate relationship. Maybe I’m a fool who believes that finding the right person for me will be felt the instant we cross each others’ path.
posted by vinz @ 9:12 AM
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2 Comments:
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At 5:22 AM, Jasmin said…
as it has been said many times, it may not be clear now but the failed relationships and pain that have passed will all make sense when you meet your match. --positively speaking..
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At 7:34 PM, vinz said…
time can only truly tell... :)
