Tuesday, November 01, 2005
ER… (Yes it’s a word)
A friend sent me a pattern and it was for Christmas, she had me look at the pattern closely, I thought it was one of those where you had cross your eyes and see the 3D photo but it wasn’t. Apparently, the person who made the pattern inserted a dozen of batman’s logo in it. I guess he was a batman fan my friend thought and so did I. Coincidentally, my current desktop wallpaper is batgirl and well, the bat symbol jived with the situation.
My internet connection here is going nuts and must be the Data Center is doing an upgrade with one of the hardware I recently purchased for the company. I started downloading a few torrent files here at work and damn, 60kB/s? One of the series I was downloading finished in just under an hour, I can’t wait to get home and watch it.
I’ve been very persistent this past week and I even, made way in getting what I want –well, requested… After all, it wasn’t for me in regards to what I was intending to accomplish.
I need to talk to someone and share my thoughts, I’m afraid I might get mad if I don’t. I made a few text messages last night with my burst of train of thoughts, none of them replied, seems like they were busy, asleep or what have you. I’m sure they had a good reason though. Maybe I’m just a waste of time? (laughs)
Don’t be too hard on myself a friend says and Misery Loves Company. She’s right but I can’t help it (bangs head on the wall).
(oohh, ahhh) To write, it seems to be one of the few good things that relax me at the moment. I’m having those feelings once again, the same one I had this time of the year, a feeling of dread and no escape. Soon after I got sick, I was over fatigued from thinking too much and doing too much to escape that feeling and I got really sick because of it. I got sent to the emergency room around the first week of November, I’ve been sick for a couple of days or so and I was taking meds. I suppose, what led me to that pseudo stroke when I was sent to the emergency room was that I overdosed myself with aspirin? I’m not sure what happened, the doctors didn’t help either, just gave me some antibiotics –which coincidentally smelled like synthetic crap taking in and smelled the same when I was taking a dump or farting. Why did I overdose myself with aspirin? It wasn’t like I was suicidal or anything but there is a reason why it says take 1 every 8 hours not more than 4 in a day. I learned my lesson now, didn’t I? (laughs)
I hated that feeling of helplessness, not being able to control your body, the numbing effect at the same time a thousand needles pricking you everywhere. Your lungs locking up and not being able to take a breath, the thought of dying came to mind on my ride to the emergency, luckily my cousin was living at home at the time, anyhow, on my ride to the emergency room, I felt pissed from being weak and not being able to accomplish my wants, I prayed like I never did before (you bet I did) that I didn’t want to go yet, “not yet” words coming from my mind over and over again. I didn’t think about the past or anything, just the words “not yet”.
If that didn’t change your perspective in living, I don’t know what will. It was also another instance into which the bond I have forged with a close friend of mine. He was the only person I told of what happened and he visited me on the emergency room after it was all over and, it was in the wee hours of the morning, imagine that.
He’s seen my worst and I mean, my utterly worst times of my life and we’ve lived through it, not hand-in-hand mind you, that would be damn awkward but, arms on our shoulders, laughing and dreaming of the things we plan to accomplish in this life.
posted by vinz @ 7:25 AM
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