Friday, September 09, 2005
RESOLUTIONS
Just a year of work experience and I can take my vacation. One hundred and Seventy Four days before I plan on taking my much anticipated rest and relaxation. Though, will I be able to rest and relax when that time comes? I don’t know what will happen and if my plans will push through. One thing is for certain. That I am hell bent and taking that leap and I remind myself that every morning as I take that fifteen minute ride towards work that, that day will soon arrive.
Ramadan is coming soon and soon after the cold winter. When the cold of winter arrives, I know my days of leaving draws closer and I will be away from my family once again. A promise has been met and a new resolution to fulfill.
A new resolution to fulfill; I recall my mom telling me about what a new year resolution is, I was four at the time. She said that it’s something people do and fulfill at the beginning of the year. We were living in Naseem, a district here in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia back in the 80’s and I thought about what she said. I said to her that my New Year resolution was that I would stop drinking milk from the bottle. I fulfilled that first resolution.
Back in 2001 I took a leave of absence in attempt to understand who I am and well, clarify what I wanted in my life. I was depressed then and among the reasons for which was an old wound from my first relationship. During those times of being alone and in the midst of thinking and reminiscing; a memory of my first resolution came to me.
The following weeks after that I made challenges for myself; I didn’t talk for a week, had my hair grow lengthily (which is a real challenge since I always take a hair cut every 15 days) and I hated how it felt, letting the hair grow making my ears and the back of my neck itch, but I got through that, I even went as far as to not taking a shower for a week (FYI: I didn’t leave the house during that week).
December of 2001 was a break through for me, when my older brother gave me a piece of advice; we were on our way home after dropping of her girlfriend at their home.
The next couple of months after that I started dating a lot that piece of advice was the catalyst and the key as to how I’ve gotten along with the women I’ve dated in the past, my new year resolution for 2002 was to broaden my network of friends and it was a time where in I stayed out a lot and went “overnights”. I got my confidence and self-esteem back only to be shattered by the end of that year by someone I was sincere with, she cheated on me, and it was probably my karma for having such a lifestyle that year.
2003 I had a new resolution and during that year I had my hair close cropped and I went on another one of escapades the first couple of months of that year. I got involved with someone seriously again during that half of the year only to break up with her that December. I couldn’t see her and I being together in the future, I have no qualms with her traits and all, it’s just that the feeling of being with her for a life time wasn’t there and I am sorry for that.
I went on another of my escapades that lasted the whole year in 2004. Though, I had one lady in mind that I was sincere with, it didn’t work. My New Year resolution for 2004 was to write a journal and keep the dates ergo; here I am now with article 95. 2004 was an eye opener, I wasn’t sure I could write really well. I always envied my older brother for writing. Sure, I could write poetry however, half the time the people I wrote it for couldn’t understand the depth and the intricacy of what I write and it takes a lot of time to write a poem, at least it is for me.
Here we are now at 2005, I promised myself I will live with my parents for a year, it might be the last time I will live with them under one roof since, I intend to live independently at 2006.
I’m pushing through with my rough plans in life, there’s a lot of uncertainty and risks involved and I don’t mind it at all. Time is a luxury I do not have. I will not falter with my plans even if some aspects of it have changed; I can adapt, I can change, and all that is simply a state of mind. I am still driven and my goals are in line; even if I have failed a lot, success is simply overcoming failure.
posted by vinz @ 3:14 AM
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