Monday, September 19, 2005
DEFIANT
So it would seem I have lead myself into another situation where, I am in parley with my past. How is it so that they seem to gather in moments where I am at a loss, and there by tempted to seek synthetic feelings of affection and requite warmth?
“I have a way with words,” she said, and I have this charm about me; a confidence in which that invites conflict among my gender, an intimidating poise in which only the great can be present of my company, a presence of mind that surpasses most people at my age, I am passionate in everything I love; that is a blessing and my curse.
“No one speaks the way you do,” she says, and I dare respond, what is it that I tend to utter? Do my words inspire a tussle of feelings of reverence and cynicism? Does your soul commune with my thoughts? You find mystery in my ideals, don’t you? I am far from the boy you once knew, I have changed and, I intrigue you with this change. You wonder now what all these would sound like as I articulate it in a whisper.
I remind you, I don’t have the answers you seek, I can merely provide you words of encouragement if not, the painful truth of what I have learned in this life hence, an offering of the wisdom and knowledge I have garnered. I did promise myself that I shall stand by you in whatever path you tread and I want you to know that I hold good intentions for you and nothing less, nothing deceitful.
Yes, as cliché as it may sound, I will be here if you need me. Even if I am the last or least person you expect to turn to, I see it as an opportunity to prove to you that I am someone to count on, so as long as I feel a connection with you; let me be your pillar of support when you need someone; a guiding presence in which I may shed light in your moments when you are in tears of doubt and confusion.
I crave for the witty banters that I have grown accustomed to, I seek the innocent flirtations that is mingled in the mists, of sensible conversations during late nights; I am in need of someone who can entice and inflame this burned out soul. Will I give in to the lust that has been gnarling at its cage? Nay, for I know in the end, I shall keep him locked and in time, it will tire and calm itself, for the prospect of reciprocated love is far greater than the mad lust that I have imprisoned.
So, what does this all mean; this admission to meaningless ranting of one’s eccentricity?
“The words you use are unusual though, somehow I understand what you mean to express,” she states and I wonder, deep words; I really can’t tell which ones are deep and which aren’t. Is this my ramification for spending late nights of browsing in an attempt to commune my soul with my heart and mind?
We are at a crossroads in our life and the next fork on the road may entail that we may never see each other. I have already decided in which path I shall undertake and I have to say that, regardless if it is shrouded with mists, I will brave through it. I am at a time in my life in which all of the things I am accustomed to have been deprived, I am in a state in which a part of my life has taken a hold. A bit more time, I shall give it a bit more time, as I have promised a year of devote obedience to their whims.
I finally close my eyes and listen to the silent timbre of the music played in the background. It feels like I am home again and you a twenty minute drive away.
posted by vinz @ 3:34 AM
|
0 Comments:
