Friday, August 19, 2005
RIGHT TIMING?
He takes command of the feelings that are flowing from him. Brushes it off with a shrug, not now his minds speaks, this isn’t a good time.
When is it a good time, then?
He’s been avoiding thoughts of her for the past week and he has for good reasons. And yet, the intensity of the feelings he has for her came, as he saw a photo of her. Her voice comes into mind and a shower of comfort comes to him. Reasons and odds become a blur and nothing matters but to be with her. I want to know if there is chemistry, if it can work out, a mere presence can tell a thousand things and the truth from it all he can decipher.
How else could he have hesitated and backed out with the women he has been with, without his innate talent in intuition and his high regard for his moral principles.
A sad longing comes over him as he looks at her photograph, and he takes into account what others might think of his behavior. To a cynic it might entail an obsession, an infatuation that has lead one to believe because of physical features. And yet to a romantic/idealist it looks to a miracle of wonders that not everything has a logical explanation, which one cannot take into account with odds of this matter. You see “beauty” everyday and yet none of those “beauties” have moved you in such a way as for you to write something about.
History has a way in repeating itself a voice in him states. And you’ve been down this road before, what makes it different this time? True as it may, he has come to this path, more than several in fact. Though, you forget that with all the words you’ve been arguing with yourself, will all be answered by her presence, when we are with her, his mind retorts.
Words of love and affection beckons to flow from his lips and the eyes mists over her as he fears everything might lead to nothing but sham. Is it because of his nature? Of how he has lived his life these past several years that every sweet words and gestures that comes from him have become natural? Ergo, has he ever been sincere with anyone?
Doubts, how can he doubt himself at such a time? In his mind he opens a small notebook and there written within the words: “Everything you have done, every change to better yourself is a preparation for you to find that one person that can motivate you, inspire you and, as well as have the patience to understand you when that time comes, when you shut everything out to gain a sense of control in yourself, a time to recharge one’s soul and remove the strain in one’s spirit.”
Love, it’s so easy to fall and so hard to stay in love. And as of late, he tries not to fall deeper for her, he can’t allow himself and yet the love he has had for her has been there, tempered with time. To go further will drag him to pain though; he’d prefer it rather than not feel anything at all. His mind is in turmoil and he might retreat into a blur of video games to relax or escape his thoughts with a book.
Honesty, this time, I’ll be adamant in being honest. I may have said white lies in the past but I want the relationship that I have started with her, be it friendship or whatever, to be based on honesty. It shall be one of the core foundations if it were to prosper to something even more.
Will there be chemistry between us? His mind asks him for the thousandth time, he knows he fears facing her, what if there isn’t any chemistry between them? What if there is? For certain a change will come and he doesn’t know if he’s anxious or excited of the prospect of it coming to an end.
A phrase comes into his mind that he wishes to tell her, even if he has written this for someone else in the past, the words ring true for his feelings for her:
“I fear uttering these words may elicit a change and yet, everything I’ve written so far leads to these three words: I love you.”
posted by vinz @ 9:28 AM
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