Wednesday, February 16, 2005
A LASTING IMPRESSION
I find myself dazed with delight, as I see the notification that I’ve received mail from her... I look back and think about the movie "you've got mail", however, on this particular situation; I know whose it from, will my story end the way the movie does, I wonder? The song "Dreams" of the Cranberries comes to mind, it played at the beginning of the movie...
Has it been three months since I saw her profile? With the times, you can't ignore meeting people via the net... And with the recent addition of friendster or the like into our daily lives it would seem inevitable. As I have said to some of my friends; friendster is fast becoming a resume for meeting and finding people. People of various kinds; from worst to worthy of one's attention.
To put it simply, I was captivated by her beauty. I was with a friend one late December night, browsing on friendster at my home and that's when she caught my attention out of all the small pictures we viewed from our mutual friends' list. And as my friend and I clicked on her profile and viewed more of her pictures, I was smitten by her beauty and clicked on the button to add her as a friend, hoping and praying that she'd approve of my request, and soon after she did.
I love dabbling on my pc and a few nights later, I was thinking about her photos, and without her permission, I downloaded them from her profile and made a little art portrait of her combined pictures, it took me awhile to finish and be satisfied with the work that I’ve done.
After finishing the "art" I anxiously sent her an email with the combined pictures attached.
She replied soon enough with gratitude, a good sign I thought, I opened the response email and read it. I gathered from the reply that she was friendly and appreciative of what I did and didn't take offense of me; downloading her pictures without consent.
Thus, our short quaint communication began. On one eventful occasion, she entrusted me enough to ask for a favor, and with enthusiasm, I accepted. Quickly I got to work, my educated mind instructs me of what task to perform first, I did research and developed a basis for my output. I finished the task in record time and as promised, she received the written article the next day. I got to know her more as I performed this task and unbeknownst to my articulate mind, began appreciating her all the more. The favor was a eulogy for her.
The response I received from her after viewing the article was overwhelming, I felt my cheeks blush, and probably made a giddy smile, as I read and reread her gratifying message.
Our sending emails to each other aren't regular, which is fine though. After all, we both have lives and responsibilities to live and fulfill besides the internet. There’s no pressure there. An email from her is a present all in its own. And for now, I indulge myself on unraveling who the person she is.
And so, I open the mail she recently sent me, my fingers anxiously taps the desk as I wait for the window to load. As it opens I notice I lean closer towards the monitor and read her message with my mouth saying silently the words she wrote. I reread it again finding undeniable pleasure as I do so. These are her words and thoughts, my mind says, and I can only imagine how her voice would sound. She has a singing voice, I read from several of her testimonials that she sings wonderfully, and then I feel envy, envy from the people who have heard her sung.
Let me sigh on that thought and take note of this message she sent; she’s sweet and affectionate evoking words that would seem reserved for close friends. And I feel proud that she said those openly, knowing that I wouldn’t take malice from it. I wonder how she could be when she’s in a relationship, that guy would be some lucky bastard, -oops, pardon my French, that guy would be ever so lucky, rather.
Without a doubt, I know what I’m feeling for her is attraction and infatuation, and quite possibly, in the future even more? I love the fact that even if she’s busy, she takes the time to send an email or private message in friendster and on occasion both. Even now, as I type my feelings for her, her countenance vividly comes to mind; the dew ness of her skin, her lovely smile, playful eyes, silky black hair…
I long to converse with her and see if chemistry is present and if not, let me settle as a friend to be counted upon, because clearly, I want to be a part of her daily life. But what if there is chemistry? Years of experience has taught me not to anticipate that further, keep your whims simple, my mind invokes. I know what I want to happen and I’ll take the necessary steps to get there but, not be so arrogant to accept that everything will go according to my plans and be pathetic to push myself to her when clearly, there aren’t any mutual feelings.
For now, I relish on these new found emotions and I look forward to my next conversation with her, whether it may be through email or recently, through the “ym” or possibly, some time in the future, the phone or in person.
I feel pleasantly delighted, as I have once again succeeded in letting my thoughts known of someone I care for through my passion, and for, finding myself admitting that she may very well be the cause for this passion to burn intensely. She’s a beacon of light of warmth and goodness to my driven soul.
posted by vinz @ 12:08 PM
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