Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Traversing Thoughts
I feel the need of my body taking rest. It’s one of those weeks that I haven’t had the ample opportunity to fully rest and recover.
I feel frustration and anxious with the events that transpired. Frustrated because, I’ve thought and expected as much to the happenings of last week to which, lead me to this current state.
I need to know her thoughts. Words will suffice and soothe me and not with my ability to read body language. I am remarkably intuitive, which is a curse at times, knowing answers and perceiving thoughts before ever hearing it or come to transpire.
I find myself looking to see the time and notice that’s it’s in the wee hours of the morning again. I have with me the company of a dear friend that has strengthened my spirit and as I do to him.
We seem to be kindred spirits; intellectuals in our own right and style. Affectionate and expressive with our feelings, a true articulate that has become of envy to most of our same gender. We bask and relish the attention we receive, and we are confident and open-minded. When asked for opinions we tend to be unmerciful with the truth and of the obvious yet, well versed with knowledge of ethics and principles that is in conformity with society.
The moon is full in this cold December night and, clouds blanket the stars. Here we are taking turns, of letting our feelings and thoughts out regarding, the lady of our lives.
His lady has difficulty in expressing physical affection towards him after all, this is the first relationship she’s been into all her life and that is, she’s passed her mid-twenties…
As for me, I’ve laid out my feelings and intentions to her, to the most of my ability in a manner of expressing them in a way that is chaste. Yet, responses from her have not been met regarding, what will she do or her intentions are with what I’ve professed.
The truth to the matter is, I’m utterly intrigued by her and find it remarkable that I’m still in pursuit, as painstakingly slow as it may seem, of her feelings and regardless, I know I’ve never been certain of my feelings towards another.
“You’re in love’” my friend said and then, it hit me. I found no words to contradict him but a dawning of a sudden rush of emotions that underscores the words that were just uttered were true.
For the past week he has tried in vain to come up with a time to spend with her and all the effort made was all for not.
He doesn’t want to know her reasons and regardless, doesn’t want to delve into plausible possibilities.
In a last ditch effort, he writes her, a letter laying all his plans, feelings and thoughts of and for her, in hopes he could elicit a reply that may or may not, end his communication with her.
His mind has finally set into this endeavor and has his head held high as he treads upon this path with no intention of looking back.
He is adamant on pursuing financial security, he’s an adult now and with the travesties that has dawned and set in his life, he finds himself on a forked road; a path to uncertainty and the other, a path that he has worked and etched for all his life.
He believes love will find a way for them to be together, for now, he sets his mind into securing a future that he prays he’ll share with her one day and hopefully, raise a family of their own.
posted by vinz @ 5:52 PM
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