Friday, January 06, 2006
DIVINATION THROUGH MUSIC
He closes his eyes and concentrates on the music he is listening to, attempting to commune within himself. The corner of his mouth curves into a wry, half-smile as the music seems to let him drift further in his mind, into his soul.
I have come to realize that I met someone who has taught me so much and yet caused so much sorrow in my life. It isn’t her fault nor am I blaming her for what caused this sorrow and pain. She is a couple of years younger than me and yet far older in her way of thinking. She is brilliant, she is everything that I have longed for in someone in terms of wit and personality, and she is an enigma to behold and my mentor.
I’ve always been attracted to greatness and I push or immerse myself in their environment. Desperately wanting, convincing myself that I can be great as well. I believe that my path towards enlightenment is through honing my mind and so, I devour books, pledging to at least finish one book a month.
I reflect on the chapters that I have read after a while, I replay the words and thoughts written by the author and find meaning in them. I am quiet when this happens, the world passes by and people become uncomfortable of my silence. My head is filled with voices, different perspectives, and a variety of opinions. In a while they will halt, after I’ve heard and taken into consideration their thoughts.
As the voices become a distant murmur I hear music echoing in my mind and I find comfort in them, it eases the tension I feel and for the past few weeks, listening to music helped relieve me of my sorrow. Perhaps, I need a bit more time before everything I feel pans out. It’s been quite a challenge, overcoming all these and I have to thank my past experiences; it certainly aided me with all this.
My dark side looms close to my consciousness and I have let it slip from time to time. He is still as cunning as ever, and eloquent at that. He’s been lecturing me for quite a while, reminding me past promises I made that I’ve broken. No matter, he says to me, despite what he has done, we were still in line with the principles I’ve set and when the time comes he will withdraw and let me decide. He says he has merely created options for myself and reminded me of whom we are.
I have almost completely locked and hidden everything now. He has the key and guards it meticulously, only the bold and great would dare attempt to take the key from him. Aesthetic beauty is his weakness but quickly regains his hold if they aren’t quick of wit.
His concentration falters as he feels sleep creeping in and he opens his eyes and turns the music off. He heads to bed with his recent revelations about himself in mind. Tomorrow will be a new day and he will allot some time for meditation perchance that he might accomplish in regards to his self.
posted by vinz @ 2:23 PM
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